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Random “Penny” Thoughts

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There are few things in life more aggravating than a really, really, bad day and I’ll list them in order of “Penny Preference.”

  1. A bad day is always worse than a day worse than yesterday.
  2. Insomnia. But then again, if you have insomnia, isn’t a single day just one merged-sunlit mirage of nothingness?
  3. An early morning phone call from a family member (ahem..cough cough) that makes your day bad. (Really bad)
  4. A really screwed-up health crisis that follows the screwed-up health crisis that preceded the other health crisis’.
  5. Getting screwed (and I don’t mean literally or laterally).
  6. Watching a guitar player win American Idol (I actually thought he should have won because his kidneys suck and so do mine).
  7. Watching the Fox-30 News report that the $350 million courthouse in Jacksonville didn’t pass fire inspection.
  8. Looking out my 5th floor window and viewing the $350 million courthouse that mimics the Parthenon.

I don’t feel like listing anything else, which is what leads to me do what I haven’t done in quite some time:

  • Write for just me.
  • Write about me.
  • Write like no one else is reading (that’s a funny thought).
  • And, write like I am not being censored by an administrative administration that administrates what writers do when they are not following administrative instruction. (We’re writing…duh…).

The month of May 2012 has been like the nightmare you always thought you had as a kid but then grew up, became an adult, and realized it wasn’t actually a nightmare, you were just married with bills.

May 2012 has been unbelievable.

I find myself in a place of retrospect: a hospital bed in August 2011 agreeing to adjunct teach three English classes that turned into six and by May of 2012, I am yet in another hospital bed unable to finish teaching the six classes that actually turned into five. (God as my righteous judge I saw the finish line with valor…wasn’t meant to be I guess).

I am a grandmother in May. Not a grandma, a “NaNa P.” This is a good thing. This is a bad thing if you’re in a hospital bed.

I am in a hospital bed in May for 20 frickin’ days. (I soooooo didn’t want to type frickin’).

My body has betrayed me once again and so has the sun as though it owns luggage and takes vacations and allows darkness to run the show. Where does the sun seem to go so often that it feels a need to leave me going the opposite direction on a conveyor belt as I ride with an elderly couple who are content with the pace while I’m anxious for the swift?

Relationships suck. (Now that’s a random thought). All relationships suck (that’s a generalization).

I have some really great relationships.

  1. There’s me and my stainless steel wok.
  2. Me and my laptop.
  3. Me and my android.
  4. Me and the view of the $350 million Jacksonville courthouse.

Of course I am being facetious.

I have numerous and loyal longterm friends who are tried and true. I have a superior family. They went on a cruise in May of 2012 while I lay in a hospital bed.

Nawwwww. I’m not pissed about that. I’m actually not. They deserved it. Do you realize how many hospital beds they’ve viewed me in? Too many. I paid for the whole lot of them to sail to the Caribbean. It’s on me. Take a Carnival Cruise. I’ll hang back and make love to this I.V. pole at St. Vincents.

What’s REALLY funny about the aforementioned is that I absolutely paid for JACK. (That deserves a random LOL).

My wonderful, lovely, two sisters (from the Cinderella Fairytale) paid for it all. God bless them both. I love them and I can’t believe that both my parents returned alive after sharing a cabin together for six days when they live in a house in Florida and never watch television in the same room. (I can’t believe I missed witnessing that…I thought surely someone was going to be thrown overboard.)

I must also give a special random “shout-out” to my brother-in-law “Chuck” who had just completed Chemotherapy and Radiation for Colo-rectal Cancer. He and I are the two healthiest family members and the only two with cancer. (Go figure).

Praise God. They all returned home safely. Linda is back in Georgia and Natalie is safe in Maryland.

I will know if they are following my blog because one (or both) will call and say,

“Look here heifa….I got your Cinderella Fairytale right here” (except one of them will spell it “Fairytail”).

OK.

So, I’m dwelling in an admitted 2:59 a.m. insomnia funk. These suck. Much like summer colds. Much like bad bee stings. Much like days worse than yesterday.

I am working like a mad-dog to NOT take pain medicine. It appears my body has zero tolerance for anything lower than a “60 milligram Oxy-swallow-me now.” (For the novice, that milligram doesn’t exist; however, y my fellow pain-med druggies who’ve endured ANY surgery know what I’m screaming).

So, I am abstaining. I have been cut and carved and cancered enough to know that me and pain pills are like ummmm Whitney Houston and pain pills (was that mean?) I actually didn’t mean for it to be, but it was fair game. I loved Whitney. Whitney loved pain pills. Pain pills eventually aren’t enough. Get the cycle? I am cold-turkey, going-mad, in Studio 515 (That’s my Writer’s Den for you slow ones.)

I will probably have to trash this blog-post to save my spiritual reputation and by the way, THANK YOU Bishop Mckissick, Sr. and Elder Caldwell for trekking to the hospital to view me sans make-up, drooling with white lips, and slurring my words. Only God could send such forgiving and gracious men. I really, really, REALLY do appreciate it. It meant a great deal, but in all honesty, ya’ll came on separate, days right? (I can’t believe I typed ya’ll again). They laid hands and prayed over me and sure as Lazarus…I rose….days later.

I am really rather SICK over not getting to say goodbye to my senior English students. I bet they talked about me like I was two-bit history teacher. I kinda wonder who scooted out of there with an A that would have otherwise earned my highly elevated grade of “C?” I actually don’t wonder how that all worked out. I wanted to control the circumstances, I couldn’t, I didn’t, It’s over. Happy Graduation. (Seriously).

How ’bout that Mitt Romney?  In my Aretha Franklin voice, “Bain, Bain, Bain…… Bain of Fools.”

Yes, the thoughts are getting more and more random.

I have my wonderful daughter Kelsey who tried to give me a nervous breakdown in May of 2012. No wait, she did.

That will piss her off, but it’s MY BLOG and I love you regardless Kelsey. I knew you’d been perfect too long. You don’t mess around when you decide to stir the pot though. Wowsa woman. WOWSA!

Usually I add research and images in my blog posts but really? I mean really? The only thing I want to research right now is how many days it will take me to ultimately just pass out if I stay awake for consecutive days? I wonder if I just continue typing random thoughts for days and days and hours and minutes and days if would just collapse on the laptop?

That would suck. I’d lose this fabulous blog of nothingness.

It would be nice if someone would come and wash my dishes and clean my frickin’ fridge. (I soooo didn’t want to type frickin’).

My daughter (Kelsey) earned her B.F.A. in Dance from Jacksonville University in May of 2012. I missed the ceremony because I was in a frickin’ hospital bed. (I soooooo didn’t want to type frickin’). She also just got a fab job offer. We Dickerson women really know how to land on our feet eh?

I am proud of you Kels…no matter what. There are no flawless human beings on planet earth (other than me) and we all make mistakes (except me) and your family supports you in any and everything you do (me more than everyone else though). It’s rather cool having your own blog because you have carte blanche to simply be an ego maniac.

I am the world’s best mother, writer, absent English teacher, sister, ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, insomniac, friend, woman, and future “Miss Fabulosity.” (THAT’s Ego).

So there….

I just may have to “give-in” to the pain medicine after all. My stomach feels like it’s separating from my bottom torso somewhere between the gone-staples and my numb legs.Which leads me to the curious minds who want to know, “What on earth happened so quick that just TOOK YOU DOWN?” It was (and remains) an “on-going saga” that ultimately just cut me at the knees, but why does that matters to so many? It happened (again). ‘Nuf said.

It was May 2012. That’s what happened. May 2012 came and I ended up in a hospital bed again. (pay attention).

Good night. Oh wait, the sun’s rising.

Penny 2012

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2 comments on “Random “Penny” Thoughts

  1. HE-LARIOUS Pen! Only you can make random thoughts that entertaining.

    Like

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