Why It’s Hard To Date A Black Woman

Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Hard To Date A Black Woman by Matthew Lynch (Black State.com http://blackstate.com/dateblackwomen2.html)

  1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and   regressive.
  2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man.
  3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships.
  4.  Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.
  5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.
  6.  Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.
  7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.
  8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.
  9. Black women’s tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.
  10.  Black women do not cater to their men.

What’s troubling about this list is its title: Top Ten? Does that mean this disgruntled man is holding out on reasons 11 to 20?

I’m not certain who this author, Matthew Lynch, really is, but I have one question for him:

“How long have you been an insecure, emotionally irresponsible, non-condom wearing, excuse-prone plumber who lives with his mother and is further on the down low?”

Black women could easily compile a comparable, defamatory list, but we’re too busy writing our top ten life goals, so we don’t have time for such foolishness and blaming. Matthew Lynch has alot of time for such, and I’m sure growing up with the last name “Lynch” has everything to do with his posture.

My initial approach was to defend the “Lynch List” line by line: precept by precept, but then I thought about it (because I’m a black woman who thinks). Upon conclusion, my mind conjured the following which I’m sure will inspire shock and appall.

The Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Hard To Date A Black Man by Penny Dickerson

1, Black men don’t know how to date. They lack imagination, innovation, discretionary funds, a sense of adventure, and their expectations for an initial date far exceed the mental and intelligence investment offered.

2. Black men take responsibility for nothing in their lives. Black women, The Man, their 3rd grade teacher, the lady at the bank, their ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, ex-cellmate, baby’s mama, and the weather are responsible for everything wrong with their lives.

3. Black men don’t really want a black woman to love; they want their mother.

4. Black men don’t wear their wedding rings, lie about their relationship status, hype their employment and life goals, and don’t reveal their real number of children. (A man who denies his child will deny me, PLUS, men who deny their children suck).

5. Black men expect a woman to have pride in her appearance through the years, but give zero consideration to their own beer belly, poorly manicured nails, they neglect oral hygiene, but I’ll give them this: a black man will always have a fresh hair cut.

6. Black men have a poor sense of time, a poor sense of timing, and think their monetary worth is all black women are concerned with. (This black woman desires honesty, a strong sense of self, a sense of humor, and needs you to own a working watch).

7. Black men think sex, oral or otherwise, is the answer to everything. Sexual responsibility and knowledge of STD and HIV transmission has eluded the black man for far too long. Intimacy transcends sexual encounters.

8. Black men forget that without black women, there would be no black men. Black women are more often than not left as single parents without financial or emotional support from black men, and the pressure of single parenting inspires a critical sense of independence, strength, and mad, crazy ambition that threatens black men. Black women are the creatures you created. (Big ups to my daughter’s father who never missed a child support payment and continues to carry her on his health insurance).

9. Black men think white women are the standard. In our natural state, you say you are attracted to black women, yet you gaze and pursue white woman for their long hair allure, submissive demeanor, and tolerance level (note: tolerance and patience are not synonymous).

10. Black men are struggling with their identities in record numbers which has created a global pool of homosexual, bi-sexual, and Down Low men.

11. I know I said ten, but I must add this: Black men fail to realize how ATTRACTIVE humility is. We want to applaud you and stop listening to you 24-7 brag and boast about yourself and your penis size, but I do admit that black women need to clap more loudly for the little things as well as the big. Last but certainly not least, black women more often than not feel misunderstood and judged right out the gate.

Black women are individuals as are black men.

The REAL reason it’s hard for a black man to date a black women is because black men don’t approach us. We are given a quick glance and then sized up as being like your ex, her best friend, the woman in the movie, the girl who rejected you in college, the last girl who didn’t dance with you at the club or the minimal expectations you exude that morph black women into being the object of negativity you expect.

Dating in the 21st century is a challenge and the older you become, the more intense the challenges. We all have baggage, but is your baggage Louis Vuitton or Samsonite or the Thrift Shop Special with a bent key?  Sometimes we see people traveling and think they are world-class because of the bag they are carrying, but the naked eye can’t tell if that bag is empty or full or stuffed with trash to appear full. Warning: baggage can be deceptive. I’d date a blue collar worker because sometimes the Thrift Shop Special with the bent key may have more substance inside and be easier to carry than the more embellished and ornate Louis Vuitton. What it looks like ain’t always what it is.

I am also not overtly opposed to black men who marry outside their race, nor do I view it as a “betrayal” when a black man dates white women. That does not mean he rejected me and my entire racial gender, it simply means he chose her…and that is his right. My preference is a man who loves and respects me: black or white.

Why then is my black list so loaded? Well, it is experienced-based and the collective offering of many conversations, late night phone talks, lunches, “Girl he lied” moments and brink of divorce soirees with my coveted Sistah circle.

Relationships are just tough: black, white, Jewish, interracial, Baptist, Catholic, or divorced and single. It’s all tough and despite the lists offered by both me and Matthew Lynch, I suggest that each individual comprise a list of what you SEEK in a mate and then pursue that. If your only list is one that emphasizes what you don’t want or have already had, you are more likely to subconsciously, and consistently, attract the same type of people.

Dump the lists and give each new person you meet a fresh start, tell ’em what time it is, and smile. The rest is left to destiny and chance.

Penny Dickerson 2011


16 comments on “Why It’s Hard To Date A Black Woman

    • Real Brother here.

      All you Self-hating wish you were White Idiots need to stop right now. Women stop using your emotions and use your head. Chose a man based on whether or not he LOVES you and wants to be with you and not because he’s cute and has a nice car. Brothers stop listening to these women lying telling you what they want they’re lying. Your manhood is NOT in how much sex you have its in whether or not you can maintain a long term relationship and raise a family. Stop
      Selling Out with White women and get with the Sista’ who you can communicate with who doesn’t want a White boy.



  1. I loved this piece…. It keeps my mind in check, but my heart open to take chance on the brothas.
    As we both, male & female; black woman & black man look @ the heart, we move beyond to just holding up the mirror and seeing the reflection of the one that caused the hurt. Compassion heal.


  2. You truly touched me with this post. I lost track of the late night conversations we have had since college. The blame game is ineffective, but is a by-product of the conditioning we received in this country. Half of a thousand years is a long time to mistrust and misuse each other. Many will never recover from the systematic plan to divide and conquer the race and the family. Thankfully we operate from a positive line of thought.

    Your points were clairvoyant and insightful. Continue to be blessed.


  3. Penny, you are the bomb. I love your writing style and hearing your intelligent opinion. Keep it coming girlfriend.

    kathy Lil


  4. just read your “Diss”-ertation on dating black men…… FUNNY and thoughtful and revealing. If you should ever decide to take a walk mild side….this is one mid-life crisis-ed – married – blue collar artist – singer/songwriter – NON lying – thrift store bargain hunting – father – grandfather – MAN, who would walk with you even if it were just for the giggle that such a tryst would eventually become…
    LOVED you piece……………Peace…..Shawn


    • Shawn, I knew this was you. You had me at blue-collar artist, but lost me at “married.”
      (Nice tryst…I mean try.) I absolutely LOVE being your friend and look forward to
      sharing “Grand-child” stories with you. Thank you for flattering me ~ P


  5. #11 is right on and the most important post! Until one can be humbled by the presence of another, it is not love, it is infatuation (or lust). Both brothers and sisters come too often with their shields high and impenetrable. Humility does NOT equal weakness or even vulnerability. Fire your “respresentative” and be yourself and let the other person be themself. You will both know early on if this is the person for you. No time wasted, no (maybe minimal) feelings hurt.
    Great Post Penny!


  6. I have lost hope that our race will be able to overcome what has been thrust down our throats for so many years. It is a habit that is too hard to break. Yeah, Willie Lynch did his job well. We still suffer from that self-hatred and division. I really don’t think we ever tried to correct it, just look for alternatives…


  7. I love reading this web site!!!! I love my black men but I feel they are not putting as much effort into relationships as women do. I personally find nowadays there is a generally lack of respect toward women from black men. They tend to want their way all the time, the relationship is typically about their needs ands wants only, as a woman they expect you to bend over backwards, but when you ask them to do something it seems as if your demanding too much. Problem nowadays too is that they want you to fill up their gas tank when they come to pick you up, have you pay for dates or always complain that they are broke, and god forbid if your too independant-means that they can not control you and it hurts their ego. So I totally agree, that humility is attactive. I don’t know whats going on but there are too many men with big egos and pride and act like they are perfect in everything they do.


  8. Might want to explain the substantial increase in Black lesbian behavior that has evidenced itself in accord with the down low, bisexual (isn’t this the same as the down low), homosexual brothers who want to marry thier mothers. “I’m just sayin”


    • Thank you for chiming in DABRUH. I can’t explain what I am not an authority on, but chose to expound upon Matthew Lynch’s Top 10 list because I have specific evidence and experience(s) with black men on the down low and those who live a homosexual lifestyle. This does not, however, mean that either (evidence/experience) was acquired via romantic engagement. I encourage you to explore the subject and offer your own perspective as only a litigator of your stature could:-)


  9. I agree with your opinon on why black men don’t approach or basically avoid blac women. The majority of BW I have known fit your description 100%, they too mean, rude, bitchy, fat and in general a pain in the ass to deal with. I have learned my lesson to leave them alone.


  10. Well penny&others, lm a 32yr old black man who has a great job as a supervisor and l make good money, the thing is, l dont hold onto my past relationships and l have a great kind heart and l am very attractive with the athletic body and 6’0 tall. So the issue isnt appearance. My suv attracts females alone, my problem is finding a appreciative, loving, not mouthy, or controlling woman. I have patience and lve taken women on shopping sprees and more, & they all say lm so great to them, but they get so use to it and then they expect not to have to keep me feeling happy, & they get selfish and more negative shows up in they’re attitude. So again, why do black( Females) act so immature and evil towards a man who does provide everytime and caters to them in all aspects whole-heartedly? Experiencing these bad attitudes makes us successful loving commited patient men run to other races. Black women have shown me so much negative from them, that lm running to other races, but my heart and mind wants a real honest black woman. We can never seem to walk together. Why why why???


    • Thank you 32-year-old tall, attractive male. African-American or of any other race, I would be highly suspect of the virtues of any woman attracted to a man based upon an SUV. alone. Negativity is part of the human condition and is not owned by any race or gender. As I shared in my post: relationships are hard. Know what you want from whom you seek to attract to complement the full comprehension of knowing what you do not desire. Akso, re-evaluate how you factor into negative outcomes. You are clearly aware of your assets and that is healthy, but no one is perfect.


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