Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Hard To Date A Black Woman by Matthew Lynch (Black State.com http://blackstate.com/dateblackwomen2.html)

1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and   regressive.
2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man.
3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships.
4.  Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.
5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.
6.  Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.
7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.
8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.
9. Black women’s tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.
10.  Black women do not cater to their men.

What’s troubling about this list is its title: Top Ten? Does that mean this disgruntled man is holding out on reasons 11 to 20?

I’m not certain who this author, Matthew Lynch, really is, but I have one question for him:

“How long have you been an insecure, emotionally irresponsible, non-condom wearing, excuse-prone plumber who lives with his mother and is further on the down low?”

Black women could easily compile a comparable, defamatory list, but we’re too busy writing our top ten life goals, so we don’t have time for such foolishness and blaming. Matthew Lynch has alot of time for such, and I’m sure growing up with the last name “Lynch” has everything to do with his posture.

My initial approach was to defend the “Lynch List” line by line: precept by precept, but then I thought about it (because I’m a black woman who thinks). Upon conclusion, my mind conjured the following which I’m sure will inspire shock and appall.

The Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Hard To Date A Black Man by Penny Dickerson

1, Black men don’t know how to date. They lack imagination, innovation, discretionary funds, a sense of adventure, and their expectations for an initial date far exceed the mental and intelligence investment offered.

2. Black men take responsibility for nothing in their lives. Black women, The Man, their 3rd grade teacher, the lady at the bank, their ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, ex-cellmate, baby’s mama, and the weather are responsible for everything wrong with their lives.

3. Black men don’t really want a black woman to love; they want their mother.

4. Black men don’t wear their wedding rings, lie about their relationship status, hype their employment and life goals, and don’t reveal their real number of children. (A man who denies his child will deny me, PLUS, men who deny their children suck).

5. Black men expect a woman to have pride in her appearance through the years, but give zero consideration to their own beer belly, poorly manicured nails, they neglect oral hygiene, but I’ll give them this: a black man will always have a fresh hair cut.

6. Black men have a poor sense of time, a poor sense of timing, and think their monetary worth is all black women are concerned with. (This black woman desires honesty, a strong sense of self, a sense of humor, and needs you to own a working watch).

7. Black men think sex, oral or otherwise, is the answer to everything. Sexual responsibility and knowledge of STD and HIV transmission has eluded the black man for far too long. Intimacy transcends sexual encounters.

8. Black men forget that without black women, there would be no black men. Black women are more often than not left as single parents without financial or emotional support from black men, and the pressure of single parenting inspires a critical sense of independence, strength, and mad, crazy ambition that threatens black men. Black women are the creatures you created. (Big ups to my daughter’s father who never missed a child support payment and continues to carry her on his health insurance).

9. Black men think white women are the standard. In our natural state, you say you are attracted to black women, yet you gaze and pursue white woman for their long hair allure, submissive demeanor, and tolerance level (note: tolerance and patience are not synonymous).

10. Black men are struggling with their identities in record numbers which has created a global pool of homosexual, bi-sexual, and Down Low men.

11. I know I said ten, but I must add this: Black men fail to realize how ATTRACTIVE humility is. We want to applaud you and stop listening to you 24-7 brag and boast about yourself and your penis size, but I do admit that black women need to clap more loudly for the little things as well as the big. Last but certainly not least, black women more often than not feel misunderstood and judged right out the gate.

Black women are individuals as are black men.

The REAL reason it’s hard for a black man to date a black women is because black men don’t approach us. We are given a quick glance and then sized up as being like your ex, her best friend, the woman in the movie, the girl who rejected you in college, the last girl who didn’t dance with you at the club or the minimal expectations you exude that morph black women into being the object of negativity you expect.

Dating in the 21st century is a challenge and the older you become, the more intense the challenges. We all have baggage, but is your baggage Louis Vuitton or Samsonite or the Thrift Shop Special with a bent key?  Sometimes we see people traveling and think they are world-class because of the bag they are carrying, but the naked eye can’t tell if that bag is empty or full or stuffed with trash to appear full. Warning: baggage can be deceptive. I’d date a blue collar worker because sometimes the Thrift Shop Special with the bent key may have more substance inside and be easier to carry than the more embellished and ornate Louis Vuitton. What it looks like ain’t always what it is.

I am also not overtly opposed to black men who marry outside their race, nor do I view it as a “betrayal” when a black man dates white women. That does not mean he rejected me and my entire racial gender, it simply means he chose her…and that is his right. My preference is a man who loves and respects me: black or white.

Why then is my black list so loaded? Well, it is experienced-based and the collective offering of many conversations, late night phone talks, lunches, “Girl he lied” moments and brink of divorce soirees with my coveted Sistah circle.

Relationships are just tough: black, white, Jewish, interracial, Baptist, Catholic, or divorced and single. It’s all tough and despite the lists offered by both me and Matthew Lynch, I suggest that each individual comprise a list of what you SEEK in a mate and then pursue that. If your only list is one that emphasizes what you don’t want or have already had, you are more likely to subconsciously, and consistently, attract the same type of people.

Dump the lists and give each new person you meet a fresh start, tell ’em what time it is, and smile. The rest is left to destiny and chance.

Penny Dickerson 2011